ഇംഗ്ലീഷ്


Flutter - The Bird who wants to fly

ആരോണ്‍ ദേവരാഗ്

When I saw her the first time…

I saw her the first time on an evening, an evening when the wet clouds were moving ahead to pray and worship.The atmosphere was filled with noises of chanting.  She was there in the dim light of those tiny lamps which burned at the threshold of the sanctuary. She walked slowly in front of me, with a lamp in her hand.  When I saw her first, she had all the holiness of a rose flower, which had fallen from heaven on a lovely morning. When she opened her lovely lips to smile at me, I forgot myself totally.  And when her eyes collided with mine, I rather got blazed in their brightness.  When she came in front of me and stood close to me, I felt as if I was amidst a bloomed spring of love. When her lovely, cool hand touched me softly, I had the sensation of being encompassed by a deluge which pervaded into every cell of mine like a cool comfort melting me in happiness and enrapturing  me with  absolute blissfulness.

When I saw her again…

I heard the rhythm of rain which fell on the leaves.  It was for her that the strings of my heart played the holy music of love. She had become my love, nay, the goddess of love in the sanctuary of my heart. And on that wet morning, when the first rays of Sun embraced the earth, she came to me again.  She gifted me with a smile filled with divine love. And my heart  melted and vanished in it. Coming near me she murmured in a soft, low voice: “I love you. I yearn to share with you, not only this life, but other lives too, if they are there. The light of the day and the darkness of night may fade away, but my love for you will not.”  Her words gave me the ecstasy of having become the cosmos myself. I felt as if the entire lives of the universe existed within me.  But when I regained my individual self, she had gone away. Far far away. And the Palace of Dream, which I had created within her sweet smile, plummeted down and shattered into a thousand pieces. And I went on looking at her, who was vanishing gradually like a tiny speck upon the horizon.

Trivandrum Airport…

It was quite unexpected. She appeared in front of me!!! Again she smiled at me. But this time, her innocent smile made me rather weep. I felt her eyes have lost their glitter. But I could not speak anything. While I was moving out with eyes fixed on her, she disappeared inside the airport along with her parents. I turned slowly. After walking a few steps, she looked back. Then raised her hand and waved goodbye to me. I felt as if glued to earth that I could not move. And climbing the stairs slowly, she went up…up…upwards…
After two months…
Bangalore…
It was very busy in the hospital.
Then a nurse appeared and said: “Sir, there is a guest.”
“Tell to come.”
But the next moment, I felt shocked. It was her parents who entered! And their eyes were red with weeping. Their lips quivered with irrepressible grief.
I slowly got up from the chair.
“Please.” I said, pointing my finger towards the chairs.
And they sat upon the chairs against me.
“My daughter gave this letter to me, for giving to you,”  her father said, giving an envelope to me.
His voice was almost a sob. And covering her face with hands, her mother went on weeping silently.
I opened the cover very slowly.
The handwriting was beautiful. Exceedingly beautiful. My eyes went on looking at it. Till…
Pain. Severe pain. As if someone was crushing my heart; tearing it off; hook, line and sinker. Tears filled and flowed irresistibly from my eyes, making me unable to see and read the letter. Darkness, absolute darkness everywhere…
It took minutes to me to return to normalcy. And I went on staring at the letter.
“Doctor, she had told us everything.” His eyes filled again. “Now we are leaving. Have to reach our place before evening. It was her desire that we should come here and hand over her letter to you, Doctor.” He was weeping now. “Now let us depart…”
I could neither speak anything nor move. And he went out, holding the hand of the weeping mother.
That evening…
It was my heart which burned and became a bit of ash when the flames sucked and licked and ate your beautiful body.  You cannot remain ignorant of the wetness of my tears and the brightness of the smile in my eyes. Because you are my soul. It is your fragrance which is there in every breath of mine. You are there in all those dreams which I see. I could not tell you about my love. But I am sure that you knew it. You knew everything.

Now, whenever a curl of smoke rises up towards the sky, I saw her face somewhere in it. As if she comes and talks to me. Using the very words which were there in that letter. Her one and only letter to me.

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